I’d like to start this train of thought as a series, and it certainly looks like I will have the time to do so. So here goes…

A couple years ago, a director raised a question during a cast bonding session: “What is your greatest fear?” My initial thought was to go with something obvious like spiders or snakes. But as each person shared, I dug deeper in myself. I realized there’s no reason to hold back my deepest truth…so here it is. I’m most afraid of being invisible.

Clearly (pun totally intended), I recognized that physically I am opaque. So we’re talking about a social abstract. It’s not quite about feeling ignored, though that could be one interpretation. In my mind, it’s more about being dismissed or discounted. And the absolute worst is to be forgotten.

What I desire most in life is to make a positive difference when and where I can. And by the ripple effect, my legacy could expand beyond my wildest dreams. While I do contribute financially to causes I believe in, I’m speaking more about helping others in a mental or spiritual sense. In several instances over the years, I’ve tutored students. A positive effect can take the form of the smallest acts of kindness, too. A smile, a hug, or just asking someone how they’re doing- and wanting to know the true answer, all can go a long way in improving someone’s day.

Right now, our lives have taken a dramatic turn under the shadow of COVID-19. We’ve been strongly advised to isolate ourselves and practice social distancing to keep the virus from spreading beyond our health care services’ capacity. That’s a very tough ask for me… and even after just a week, I’m recognizing the negative effect on my psyche.

Fortunately I have had a few opportunities for personal interaction, and those encounters have helped a lot. But these interactions will be tragically limited over the coming weeks – or even months, if that’s what is called for.

When my mom passed away unexpectedly in January, it made me terribly aware of how often we take our relationships for granted. It’s much easier now for me to say “I love you” to those closest to me, and I tend to say it much more often, realizing it could be the last time at any point. Now I’m going to be much more appreciative of human contact! Hugs, once they’re permitted, will be given and received more often, I’m sure.

Now I’m off to ponder reflections for my next post…